


Destroying Hijikata's Life Project

by Sylcia



Series: Tosshi - the gay otaku chronicles [1]
Category: Gintama
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Crack, Diary/Journal, Homophobia, M/M, Unreliable Narrator, mentions of porn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-18
Updated: 2019-06-18
Packaged: 2020-05-14 06:11:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19267420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sylcia/pseuds/Sylcia
Summary: Okita Sougo's diary, in which...Tosshi the otaku starts watching gay drama and everything gets out of control.





	Destroying Hijikata's Life Project

**Author's Note:**

> A proof that I am, in fact, brain-dead

 

**Day 1001 of Destroying Hijikata Project**

 

I swapped Hijikata's shoujo anime DVDs to the gayest of gay drama Yamazaki could find in Edo.

The bastard has a habit of changing into otaku Tosshi for 2 hours every evening to watch his precious "Bishoujo Samurai Tomoe 5000". Other than that, he doesn't even glance at his cabinet where he stores the DVDs.

I can't wait to see his reaction when he's out of control.

 

Update:

HAHAHAHA

he's watching it!

 

 

 

 

**Day 1002 of DHP**

 

Yesterday the bastard spent 2 hours 15 minutes on "Love in the military" without batting an eye. Today he's acting like nothing happened. Looks more happy than pissed. Which, in turn, is pissing me off.

 

He's having such a good day, that he didn't even order Yamazaki to commit seppuku when he was playing badminton. Odd.

 

 

 

 

**Day 1004 of DHP**

 

The bastard is enjoying himself to "7 Samurais on a deserted island." I've never imagined he would be so enchanted with anything other than the otaku stuff.

I don't know. What if these shows are good? I'll give it a try.

 

Update:

HELL NO.

 

 

 

 

**Day 1005 of DHP**

 

It's not like I can publicly shame Hijikata for being a closet gay. Kondo-san would give me a lecture.

 

Although I wish I could. For my sister's sake.

 

This whole thing was a stupid idea after all.

 

 

 

 

**Day 1007 of DHP**

 

Today I saw the bastard turn into Tosshi outside his usual hours. He called me "Okita-shi" and winked. WINKED.

This is terror.

 

I told Yamazaki to bring back the old DVDs. He refused. He delights in his new peaceful life. I'm gonna have to swap them myself.

 

 

 

 

**Day 1008 of DHP**

 

I didn't do anything wrong and Kondo-san still gave me a lecture about bullying.

 

In other news, Yamazaki finally caught wind of Tosshi's suspicious activity. He asked me to give him more time to investigate.

 

 

 

 

**Day 1009 of DHP**

 

The bastard didn't even bother to erase his browsing history from the Shinsengumi's computer!!!!!

 

It went from "Straight guys s***ing each other" to "10 doms giving their sub a beating in a dungeon" pretty quick. I added it to my blackmail folder.

Yamazaki looked scared for life, though. I don't think he realizes who his vice-chief imagined himself to be in that scenario.

 

 

 

 

**Day 1010 of DHP**

 

I bought Hijikata a dog collar.

He THANKED me.

 

The project is officially a disaster.

 

 

 

 

**Day 1013 of DHP**

 

Today I was formally assigned to deal with this crap.

During the last few days Tosshi started coming out more frequently and was flirting with various Shinsengumi members. No one dared to act on it, even the real homosexuals we have here. They all say Hijikata will kill them if he finds out. Some of them are too terrified to come to work, so it became a bigger issue.

 

We might need an outside help.

 

 

 

 

**Day 1014 of DHP**

 

I went to the Yorozuya.

 

I explained the case and showed him a list of porn titles Tosshi watched on our computers. I promised we would pay a lot of money if he finds him a d*** to choke on.

He flat out refused.

"I've always said that the Shinsengumi is full of homos. Deal with it yourselves," were his exact words.

When I was leaving he told me to just send Hijikata to a gay bar and never ever come back with this nonsense to him.

I don't get why he was so defensive about it.

 

Update:

I now realized that there was a high incidence of "white haired man doing XXX" on the porn list. Funny.

 

 

 

 

**Day 1020 of DHP**

 

The situation has been under control since we gave Tosshi a free pass to a gay club.

We keep tabs on him at all times, though.

 

 

 

 

**Day 1023 of DHP**

 

Today I witnessed a peculiar scene.

 

Yorozuya walking out of the club, with a hand around the bastard's waist.

 

Is that why he declined the money?

Tee-hee.

 

At least the Shinsengumi is saved.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> There will be a dark and twisted part 2, which nobody asked for, but I can't get the idea out of my head until I write it.


End file.
